Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
