i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I just want to make out with him forever
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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