i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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