I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
