Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
