Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
