ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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