You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
