i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Randomize
