i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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