My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Randomize
