Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
