yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Randomize