Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
