we're chasing vodka with high fives
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
