I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
