sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
