Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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