My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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