I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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