How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
