I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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