ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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