Christians are straight up FREAKS
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
