i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize