Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
