Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
