I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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