there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
