I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
