Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I need to sanitize my soul.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
