I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize