Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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