When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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