i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
