Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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