If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
