I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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