She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Hippo gnu deer
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
