Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
