You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
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