he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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