U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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