After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
