I'm going to jail i love you
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
