All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Welp...herpes.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
