we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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