hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
