It's a beautiful day for a hangover
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
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