i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
