I'm jealous of your bromance
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
