just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Randomize
