I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize