how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
