She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
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