You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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