i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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