i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
