At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
