I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
