Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
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