his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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