Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
