I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
one might say we're banned from that church
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
