just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Dick very happy bro
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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