and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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