I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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