I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
