i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Randomize
