I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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