new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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