I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Randomize
