I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
