if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
