I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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