I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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