When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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