I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
You need Xanax blowdarts
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
