Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
We need to get me chipped asap
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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