I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I need moral support for this bender
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
