she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Randomize