Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
