i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
