also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
