OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
