Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
