I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
He better not be in your backpack
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
