oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
