"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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