she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
