The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
