Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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