Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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