My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize