So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
it was like eating out sand paper
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
