dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
