I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Success! We fucked roommates!
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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