It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
