why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize