my vag is so smooth its legendary
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
