pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
