you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Randomize
