I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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