I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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