I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
